I was listening to a radio sermon
recently where the pastor was talking about a woman that he knew of who had a
little girl with a rare disease. Where some or most diseases can cause some
pain or discomfort. Her daughter’s disorder prevented her from feeling real
physical pain. She had to have constant supervision because she could be
bleeding and not even feel it or have burned herself badly and not really have
been able to know it unless she looked. This actually became a source of worry
and frustration for her mother who would cry out and pray to God that her
daughter be able to feel pain the way she needed to. When I heard that
it just struck me. I thought “wow”, most of the time parents pray that their
children don’t have to experience pain. But here was this woman that understood
the importance of feeling pain. Physical pain alerts us to something that needs
medical attention. It lets us know when something isn’t right. I imagined this
woman letting her daughter play in another room of their home and not having
the confidence that her daughter would cry or run to her if she hurt herself.
She would have to constantly be checking in on her. The only other option was
to make sure she was clear of anything that could possibly hurt her. But anyone
that has children or has worked with children can tell you that children can
hurt themselves in ways you would not have even thought of! I love the
assurance that if something is truly wrong, children will come to you and let
you know. Whether they physically hurt themselves or even if someone hurt their
feelings. Regardless, when something upsets their world, they will let you
know. I was recently supervising some kindergarten girls when one of them came
over to me just sobbing, with crocodile tears. I asked her what was wrong.
After finally catching her breath, she blurted out : they won’t let me be PINK!”.
I then had to make what I could out of that sentence. Clearly she and the
other girls were pretending to be ponies or unicorns or something and the
others banded together and decided that she in fact did not have the
wherewithal needed to take on the role of the “pink” one. Of course, as
adults we can look at this situation and roll our eyes and think, “okay, there
are seriously bigger problems in the world”. But to this little one, this was
the biggest problem in her world at that moment. Her feelings were clearly hurt
and she didn’t understand why the other girls would tag team on her. After much
discussion about hurt feelings, we settled on one girl being the “neon pink”
one, one was the “light pink” one and one was the “dark pink” one. To my relief
it ended there with a unique shade of pink for all! Of course there are many,
many stories around the world everyday like this. But to be honest, they are
not just with kindergarteners.Many might look at that situation and say "she just needs to understand that we don't always get our way". But if that was so easy, we wouldn't struggle with disappointment. We always want things to go our way! When we feel that something has upset our world,
we go to someone about it and we feel something. Usually it is underscored
with some type of pain. There are small amounts of pain and discomfort, and
there is heart wrenching, excruciating, fall on your face pain as well.
Regardless of the degree, we will or have felt it. The Word says “ Count it all
joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” in James 1:2.
It also says “ in John 16:33: “ I have said these things to you, that in me you
have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart for I
have overcome the world.” I love the part that says we will find our peace in
Him. This was the next thing that God showed me. Back to the little girl with
the disorder: for any of us that ever went to the pediatrician when we had
the flu or had mom or grandma make us soup when we were home sick from school.... or for us even as adults, those of us with husbands ( who finally learned after a few
years of marriage) that know what to do for us when we finally give in to the
unwanted fact that we are indeed ailing... we have known comfort. Now is it
possible that with this little girl, there is a part of her that is missing out on
that? If you don’t know warning signs in your body that you are about to be
sick, and don’t feel the physical strife from that, you don’t understand the
greatness of the comfort being given to you. In fact, if it were me, I’d
probably be frustrated that I was being told to lay down or elevate my leg. Is
it possible then for us to need to go through certain things and experience
pain to know the experience of true comfort? Have you ever been on a vacation
after a long year and just been in heaven? You understood the blessing of
having someone wait on you for a change and getting sleep as long as you want
and not have to make the bed. If you never worked or did anything, you
wouldn’t know the blessing of that vacation. As much as we hate pain, it is
part of a fallen world. But the God of comfort is here to say “ in ME you will
have peace.” I firmly believe that if we didn’t feel pain, we wouldn’t be
living a full life. There is a song I know that says in its chorus “I’d rather
feel pain than nothing at all”. Of course his context is different, but I can
understand where he’s coming from. Chris and I have walked through a tough year
and the Lord has shown us so much on the subject of pain and disappointment.
Prior to that, life was pretty easy for a season I have to say! But He has
truly shown us a deeper grace than we would have known otherwise. He has shown
us comfort that resonates deeper in our soul than ever before. Of course, we
would rather have not walked through what we have and I know many that have
lost children, jobs, parents, and/or are experiencing marital turmoil and
believe me, I would love to take all the pain away and make everything perfect.
But if “He has made everything beautiful in His time” (Ecc. 3:11), maybe
His time is not set in calendar years. I remember reading Todd Burpo’s
“Heaven is For Real” where Colton Burpo’s time in Heaven was a long time to us
based on everything he saw and did, but that Jesus told him it was only 3 earthly
minutes! It sounds to me that if we saw things the way Jesus does, we could get
a lot more done in a short amount of time! But, we’re always in a rush. I’ve
caught myself being impatient in traffic even when I don’t have to be anywhere
by a certain time! We want things done in our time, but it’s just not the way
God is. When Chris was deployed that one year felt like 5 years! It felt like
for EVER, but we have had 6 more of those years since then, that have seemed to
fly by. I know friends that waited a long time to have children and those years
seemed like centuries, but now that they have kids, they are so busy they have
to refer to their journals to remember the details of those years. I believe
the Mayans were intelligent people and that living in an orderly timeline is
important, but I don’t think the Lord works within any box. Christine Caine, a
wonderful woman of God, posted a quote recently on facebook that I re-posted that said “ Keep your head up, God gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.”
I totally believe this. He won’t give us anything we can’t handle. In Psalm
92:12, it says “the righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow
like a cedar in Lebanon.” We are compared to strong trees that
characteristically bend with the breeze, but don’t break. I’ve seen pictures of
an aftermath of a hurricane in Florida where palm trees are bent all the way
over to make an arch, but are still in the ground. Now I’m not gonna lie, when
I thought about this, I said “ maybe I just don’t want to be a strong soldier.
I’ll just stay in the background. Really, it’s okay, I don’t mind”. But much to
my chagrin, I realized that it doesn’t work like that. In order to walk in
fullness, we have to understand that we will face all kinds of trials, but the
God of peace is here to comfort us. This weekend we are singing a song with the
children at church about hope. It says “whether it rains or whether it pours,
wherever I go, I will trust You, Lord. In the light of day, or in the dark of
night, I will trust You, Lord with all my life. For my hope is where you are…”
I definitely don’t like pain, I struggle with things that have happened or that
I have seen happen and I don’t understand. But God doesn’t say we will
understand everything. He does say that “those that wait on the Lord, shall
renew their strength. Run and not be weary, walk and not faint.” (Isaiah
40:31).
In light of everything that Chris and I
have and continue to walk through, God has been faithful and we can call
ourselves blessed. We would not have known or understood the amazing comfort
and measure of grace that God has provided to us if we hadn’t run to Him with
our problems or cried out to Him because we were hurt. I wish I could promise
that there won’t be anymore trials, we have met our deductible, so the rest
won’t cost us. But I know there is more grace and more hope and more strength
and empowerment on the way. One of the things we have been thankful for with
the loss of our little one is that he is safe with Jesus. He will never know
pain! But why we are thankful for that is because in place of that, He knows
the most amazing, unfathomable ,unimaginable, perfect love that we will ever
know and to its FULLNESS. ‘Certainly more, than we could have provided him here
on the earth. When we run to our Father with our hurts and truly give them to Him, He replaces it with more of Himself. He doesn’t just put a band-aid on
it. When those “easy” seasons come, we
will be living even more fully because we know Him more fully.
Someone once recently told me, “when you don’t see His hand. Trust His heart.” I would love to say I have victory in every area of this, but I am walking it out myself. So I am asking for prayers through this season as I definitely have hard days. (I would love to pray for you too, so def send me a message!) There is much Chris and I are praying for and much we are waiting for, but I know Him more fully and that's really what it's all about.
