"Praise, we sing praise; we fill the sky with songs from our hearts. Praise, we sing praise till enemies know how faithful You are, oh God." - "Walls" (Cody Carnes)
"Your Name is Higher, Your Name is Greater, all my hope is in You. Your Word unfailing, Your promise unshaken. All my hope is in You."- "Anchor" (Hillsong)
"I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind, the God of Angel Armies, is always by my side." - "Whom Shall I Fear?" (Chris Tomlin)
"Even in the why, in the middle of the night, I say that You are good. Though my prayers are heard, the response is Yours, God, and You are good. Sorrow may last the whole night, but joy comes in the morning light. You are good and You never change, God. You are good and You never change Your ways." - "You Never Change" (Rita Springer)
So there are experiences and then there are THOSE
experiences. I’ve heard it said that “experience is the best teacher”. I think
I understand the underlying sentiment, however I respectfully disagree. There
are plenty of things that I would have rather learned my lesson through other people’s experiences and saved
myself some unnecessary heartache. And then there are life situations that I
didn’t ask to experience, and would have loved to learn my lesson ANY other way
if it were possible. It’s not the experience itself that should shape our outlook or opinion, especially if we’re basing it on another’s misgivings and
imperfections and injustices. I firmly, wholeheartedly and with conviction believe we need not
let our experiences shape us, but let GOD shape us through our experiences. And I came to this conclusion...well through some God-shaping experiences.
For example, 1.) I’m a military wife (shout out to all you
military wives who are killin’ it!). My husband deployed to Iraq after us only
being married 5 months. Our first year of marriage was spent mostly apart. We
even missed our first Christmas together as a married couple (for which my
grandmother gave us an “our first Christmas together” ornament our second year of marriage, because…it was
our first to be physically together.
She was cute like that.) Listen, in case you didn’t know-there are many, many,
many, many (shall I go on?) reasons to complain when you’re a military wife.
But, what God taught me through the years of active duty was: flexibility (I desperately
needed it!); the truth that we are not
actually in control-God is in control; you can literally make ANY house a home-
Whether it’s a tiny green house with brown carpet, or a house built in the 1800’s
(which I’m pretty sure still had some lead paint) that faced century and a half
old cemetery; the power and importance of me being a praying wife; that no
matter what disagreement you might have with your husband- you will let it go
because at the end of the day HE’s HOME and not at war.
-That wasn’t our only challenging season, but what God
taught us then, I believe, helped prepare us for the following:
2.) Job-loss: You most importantly learn HU-MI-LI-TY; how to be
TRULY content; where your joy truly comes from and that the joy of the Lord is
absolutely your strength; that God is your source and provider; that God is
faithful; that you can make your home look and feel "homey" on pretty much no money, (as learned in experience 1); that He still does miracles today; that He goes before us and
prepares a way where there is absolutely no way.
3.) Through Disease: That God still heals!; That God still does
miracles; That He is absolutely your strength; that His Word is alive and
active and sharper than any 2 edged sword (or even than the “sharpest shark’s
tooth” as one little girl at church recently said); That I’m a warrior; that we
are overcomers; that there is POWER in the Name of Jesus and through our
prayers in His Name!; that we are blanketed with friends, family and prayer
warriors that fight our battles with us. And many, many more, countless
revelations…
4.) Through Miscarriage and Infertility: It’s hard to compare each struggle we face in life. I’m sure
you have those years that were just the worst
and you just couldn’t wait for them to be over. You were ready for a new
year, a new season and God gifted you with faith and hope for what awaited you.
For me, that year was 2012. I’m just being totally vulnerable and honest with
you, I hated that year. After trying for 4 years to have a baby, we finally
were pregnant at the end of 2011/beginning of 2012. I look back on that time as
such a whirlwind. I found out kind of late, but we still got to experience many
things we had dreamed about. I finally got to see a POSITIVE pregnancy test, we
got to hear our baby’s heartbeat, we got to see
our baby, get a picture of him (that we get to keep forever) and see him moving
like crazy. I was walking on air after that appointment. But it wasn’t too long
after that, we had a polar opposite doctor’s appointment. No heartbeat. No
movement. And the words that will always ring in my memory: “This baby has
passed.” Although, I have many times before, I won’t go into the crazy details
of that pregnancy and the crazy surgery that I had to have, merely for time’s sake.
“This happens to less than 1% of women in the world. We only read about this in
text books,” he said. I remember feeling like my body was broken, but my heart
even more so. I will never forget being wheeled out in the line with all of the
“new mothers” holding their babies, while I only carried my “cough pillow”.
Chris remembers pulling up in the car lane in the “new dads” line and us
leaving without a baby. My arms had never felt so empty and my heart had never
been filled with more questions.
See, I go back to what I said at the start: We MUST let GOD
shape us through our experiences. It was quite a journey and if I’m being
honest, like I said before I hated that year. But, what God began in my heart,
the joy that slowly began to replace the mourning, the ashes that He began to
beautify, the strength that slowly started coming back, the restoration that we
began to see, the feet that were rooted and planted in hope, the streams that
began to show up in wilderness places, the overcomers that began to emerge in
us, I'm grateful for what began to take shape in us that year. All of His Word was tested in these days and proven true. We are still
walking it out, and we are still planted in hope. Among even recent super negative doctor’s reports,
I take those facts and lay them down at the place the promise was made. My God
is not limited to negative doctor’s reports (as learned in experience number 3)
and I refuse to put Him in a box. He makes a way, where there seems to be absolutely no way (as learned in experience 2) I have walked through miscarriage, I have walked
through 7 years of patiently (or not so patiently) waiting, praying, believing,
declaring, hoping,and trusting for children. There have been and still are tears, there is still frustration, there are still days, I don't particularly feel like dealing with it, but by God's grace alone the face you see is (albeit
sometimes tired), one of an “Overcomer”.
I’m so grateful to be able to see just a “glimpse” of how
God is interweaving our story. How He prepared us through teaching us and
strengthening us in advance. And continues to.
I love what was recently said at our church that when God defeats
the enemy, He loves to publicly shame him. So that’s what I’m doing today. We
may weep, but it lasts for a night; we may feel weary, but His strength carries
us; we may not have words sometimes, but His Word says it all; we may not have
it “in us” some days, but He carries us; we may lack faith some days, but He
gifts us with it; we may feel tired some days, but He says “it’s okay, I’ve got
this one.” If you experienced miscarriage, I am so, so sorry and I honor you
and your angel babies with you today. And if you’re like me and you’re still
waiting for your earthly littles, take heart, take courage, He has overcome the
world, so that you can overcome anything. He sees every tear and I love what a beautiful woman of God (Charlotte Gambill) recently said, "He will take a seed from your sorrow and plant it in your promise tomorrow." He will be faithful and your land
WILL reap its harvest. (Ps. 85:12)
