Being in the "No"

When things don't make sense on paper. When 2 +2 doesn't seem to equal 4. When things that have worked in the past don't seem to be working this time and friends' advice has been exhausted. Yeah, that.

Yet, I have this abiding faith within me, this glorious hope that gives me joy that I have no right to have. When things in our life have seemed crazier and crazier and just don't seem to let up... this means my faith has to be even crazier than that. I've set my sights on My Way-maker and My "Puzzle-put-togetherer". I've been doing this for so long now that when I look only at my circumstances, I get lost. I don't even know where I am, because it only makes sense from His perspective.

I've been running this particular stretch for so long, that I've become used to it. Used to it's sights and smells. I know when I need water now, so I have the right amount by my side. I know when it's time to walk it off, take a breather, stretch. But not for too long, because I'm going somewhere. When you begin a rigorous workout routine... whether it's running, weights, yoga, squats...it's so hard at first you want to throw up. But when you keep at it, your legs can bare more weight, your arms take definition, your core is strengthened...you can see the progress and it encourages you not to quit. Your body begins to respond to the level of health it was always designed to have and we become the healthier selves, we were always created to be. Particularly when I'm running, I like to know how many miles I've run. (Wait. MileS... plural? Who am I kidding?) I like to know how far I've gone, the progress and how much further I have to go so I can give myself a mental pep talk. I can see an end and I can encourage myself all the way to the finish. But in this spiritual race, that's been part of the challenge. I can see how far I've come. I can see the progress, but I

have no idea where the end is. I'm not one of these runners that just "loves a good jaunt" and doesn't even keep track of distance. " I don't know, I think I ran like 14 miles. It just felt so good, I didn't even notice." Nope. Uh-uh. I need to know the end and encourage myself every step of the way. I don't see an end in sight, yet I can hear the crowd cheering. I don't know where this path is taking me, but I know the promises that are waiting for me on the other side. I hear my Jesus. He is right beside me on this path of disappointment. On this path filled with adversity and He is encouraging me to keep going. "But, I don't know where I'm going!" I'll say. "I do...and trust Me, you want to get there."

Chris and I have had about 20 months now of more "no's" than I thought we could ever handle. More disappointments than I ever thought I would endure. It's been so long since we have heard a "yes" that we see how precious open doors are and how very valuable they truly are. When I worked in sales, we always talked about the law of averages. "For every 10 'no's', you'll get a 'yes'." Well in this real life stuff, that ratio doesn't quite carry over. But in the midst of the "no's", in the midst of adversity, we keep our eyes set on the One Who never disappoints. Although events in our life have questioned that, He's come closer to us than He ever has. He has lifted us up and with His purposeful and gentle care has put broken pieces back together. He's apart of this journey. He's the reason for it. We are a cord of three that cannot easily be broken. We don't know where we're going. We don't have ANY answers, but we know that He has asked us to journey into the promised land. We know, that just like Joshua and the Israelites, we have to put one foot in front of the other and trust that He will open up the way before us. Just like the bleeding woman, we have to be filled with determination to carry ourselves to Him, knowing His presence is all we need. We need to be like Mary Magdalene, who filled with despair and confusion after Jesus' crucifixion, knew only one thing...she needed to be beside Him.

When things don't make sense on paper. When 2 +2 doesn't seem to equal 4. When things that have worked in the past don't seem to be working this time and friends' advice has been exhausted. Yeah, that. It can only mean one thing. "This day I will magnify thee in the sight of Israel , that they may know that , as I was with Moses, so I will be with Thee. " (Josh. 3:6) We need to make our preparations, we need to get ready, purge things we don't want to take with us and polish things we are taking with us. We need to hear, believe and obey. I've learned in these trials that if there is a door that God doesn't want opened, no man will be able to pry it open. And honestly, it has only given me the assurance that with every door He DOES open, no man or enemy in Hell will be able to stop it.

This is what I know when in the midst of "no" land: more commonly referred to as "the wilderness". I can see how far we've come. He took my wobbly legs that stood with tenacity after crushing disappointment and made them enduring legs. I can see the form, shape and definition of my spiritual self which I hope comes out to others. I can look back and see this faith filled journey and all of the fruit that has sprung while in the valley as I become the healthier, stronger me, He created me to be. 'One that will not shut up about His goodness. No matter what.

"I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim" - Francesca Battistelli