“I Call You 'Mother'”

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Phil. 4:6

 

I don’t know about you, but I believe that there are different levels of want. I recently watched a video compilation of toddlers throwing temper tantrums of varying degrees to varying situations. Most of the time, the child was screaming and sour faced because their parent wouldn’t let them have something that would have been harmful to them. In some cases, the child was crying and devastated because of misunderstandings ie: looking for their rubber ducky that is sitting on top of their head, or not being able to move a chair because their giant dog was obliviously sprawled out sleeping directly in front of it creating a barricade. Regardless, these were teachable moments. Either the child needed to trust that mommy and daddy knew what was best, or they at least needed to stop crying long enough to hear simple instruction. They wanted to get from “A” to “B” without yielding to a process. Whether that be maturing and developing to a place where they would be able to handle/be equipped for something they weren’t previously able to or to simply follow some guidance that would help them.

Fast forward a few decades to being an adult. Over the last couple of years, I have been on a journey of learning how to be “expectant” without being “anxious”.  If you are a human being, you undoubtedly have been tested in the area of patience. You more than likely have had a desire for something for which you couldn’t skip ahead to the front of the line. You most definitely have not always gotten what you wanted (and if you have, I want to talk to you because I need to know how your lifestyle allows this!). But for the sake of the point of today’s entry, you may have had a desire, that you know is God-given, only to wait on a heavenly timing that somehow is not synched up to your earthly one.

“God knows what is best”, “all in His timing”, "if He's called you to it, He will bring you through it", may be familiar encouragements and sentiments to you as well as myself. And while these are completely true, the question remains, “Okay, Lord, how do I wait? How do I continue to believe without submitting my faith to worry and anxiety?” I know the way we wait is just as important, if not MORE important to God, than the thing for which we're actually waiting.We're more interested in "getting there" and "moving forward" while He is much more interested in the refining and the developing. And the While Chris and I have prayed and desired for children for a little over 5 ½ years, this has something the Lord has been faithful to walk me through. While we have never completely lost faith, our faith light has had varying sizes, from a small light that would be enough to guide you step by step, to a passionate blaze that can be seen for miles. I want to be in such a place that my faith remains passionately ablaze no matter what things look like. I not only want to trust the process, but I also want to yield to it and I want to grow through it.

Although, I’ve never met her, Charlotte Gambill (Pastor at Life Church in the UK) has been a wonderful sister to me. It never fails that what I’ve dealt with or will deal with after I’ve heard one of her sermons will come into perspective through the Truths she shares. Recently, I was able to listen to a sermon she preached a few years ago about “your perspective”. She shared her journey of infertility, what God showed her through that time and how she overcame. It was a blessing to me to hear how she, a pastor’s wife and conference speaker who travels the globe inspiring and encouraging women to be all that God has called of them, dealt with some of the same raw emotions as me. She talked about being in a worship service once, with her back to the rest of the congregation, when God spoke to her (who was in the midst of fertility treatments herself) to pray for the couple behind her to have a baby. “Nope! Uh-uh, it’s my time! I’m just going to stand here and praise with my arms in the air” she shared was her reply to God’s direction as she joked about how no one knew, that she was actually being disobedient in that moment. But, God spoke to her and said, “Plant a seed for someone else”. (This couple of course became pregnant!) She talked about how God showed her how to persevere and that He would be faithful. She talked about how if she hadn’t gone “the long way around”, she would not reach every single person that God wanted to bless when she did receive her answered prayer. They knew that no matter what the doctor’s said, it just couldn’t be the “final word”, because that title belonged only to God’s Word. Of course, now they have two beautiful children, and during that journey, God was building, God was equipping, God was molding, God was lining things up to be in their proper place for not only Charlotte and her husband for everyone He brought to their path. How many times have I heard the Lord say to me, “Plant a seed. I know you want this for yourself, but plant a seed for someone else.” ? More than I can count. But, every time I’ve been obedient in this area, I have been blessed and get more excited for the future! His grace and strength has brought me to this point and it has increased my faith, but there was a process. 

At church this weekend, our Pastor spoke about how we often judge God based on disappointments when He’s not even through with us yet. His timing, His way…is perfect. We can’t pretend we know what’s best, when we’re the creatED, not the CreatOR. He sees what we do not and He most certainly will get the glory. With all that God has shown me over the years, what finally brought me freedom, was during a quiet day in my heart where I had told my soul to “be still”, I asked the Lord, “do you think I’ll be a good mother? Am I good enough? Are we just not where we need to be, yet? I know that we're parents to a baby in Heaven, but we're here on Earth." He gave me a vision of the way He sees me and said “I call you ‘mother’. You already are a great mother, because I’ve called you to it.” This allows me to finish my journey strong. This allows me to wait on His timing, while preparing, while getting our “ducks in a row”, being “expectant” in what He will do…but knowing I don’t have to wait to walk in this role I felt He called me to? That has freed me. His grace is sufficient. He is all I need. 

For anyone waiting on a promise, ask Him how He sees you. It will be enough. You may not like where you are, it may not seem fair, you may not understand, but we have such a limited understanding and perspective. So stay close to Him “in Whom are hidden all the wisdom and treasures of knowledge” (Col. 2:3) and who knows you, “You have searched me and known me…you discern my thoughts from afar (Psalm 139:1-2). What is your process? What is this teachable moment for you? Is it the need to plant seeds for others? Is it to create a fire in you? Is it to deepen and strengthen your trust for a bigger picture? Is it simply that He's waiting for you to open your hand and let go? Is it so that you can share your testimony and bring others to Jesus? (yes, by the way). If you’re in the midst of “the long way around” as Charlotte says, it’s for a purpose bigger than you can see. Be expectant, be excited, but let God carry the burden of timing. Be preparing, but let God…  

I referenced Charlotte Gambill. If you do not know who she is. you need to! Here is her website: http://charlottegambill.com/