Dear Kids,

Mommy as a baby

Daddy as a baby

 

Kids, 

Daddy and I have been praying for you for a long, long time. God has been preparing and putting things in place for you for a long, long, long, long, long, long, loooooooooooong time, so I know you guys are a special gift from Him. I don’t know when you’ll arrive, I just know that you will.

Daddy and Mommy's Engagement

I want to take today to pray some things over you. First off, I want to tell you that your daddy is really silly, I mean like really silly. He makes Mommy laugh everyday. Daddy and I like to have fun and we like our routine, but most importantly we have grown so much in our years of waiting for you. Daddy is really becoming the father that God has called him to be. Your daddy is a strong leader who is very practical and easy to please. He loves to laugh and loves to be home, it’s his favorite place to be. Mommy loves kids, I mean like loves kids. But it’s important you know that she will not love any children more than you guys. You and daddy always come first. Mommy also loves to have fun and make friends. She loves her alone time, but she loves to go on vacations and see the world. I like to think that Daddy keeps Mommy grounded and Mommy keeps Daddy inspired. We’ve always been a good fit. Because Mommy and Daddy met when they were very young, they have had a lot of growing up to do. We love each other very much and God has strengthened us through some really tough times. As you know you are not our first children. Your big sibling is with Jesus having the time of his life with our Heavenly Father. But Mommy and Daddy are here still trusting God to bring you guys to our lives and I think this makes Him very happy. So on that note, here are the things I pray over you:

 I pray GOOD HEALTH over you! I pray that you will be full of laughter and joy. I pray you have infectious laughs and bring joy to every room you enter. I pray you are filled with giggles and have fun being silly with Daddy and me. I pray that you always know your worth. You see, because of our journey to receive you, Mommy and Daddy have met many people along our way who have also been praying for you and can’t wait to meet you. God is using your story already to display His glory. He has hand picked you guys just for us and the time of your arrival is the perfect time. You are so special to Him that He wants to celebrate you with as many people as possible and use your births as a testimony (that’s a big word, I’ll explain it later) of His goodness and His faithfulness. With that said, I pray that you are filled with faith, hope, purpose and confidence of who you are. I declare over you that you are world changers and warriors for the Kingdom of God. You will be friends to the friendless, bring Hope to the hopeless and be peace bearers to the angry and hurting. You are intelligent with a love for learning, but are humble with the knowledge you have, knowing that though you do not know everything, you have relationship with the One Who created everything. I speak over you that you will take correction and allow it to make you better. I pray that you will be slow to speak and quick to listen with hearts that forgive freely because you know you have been freely forgiven. I pray that you will be givers and wise with finances as well as being faithful with little. I pray that you allow God to bless your gifts and talents. Mommy and Daddy both love to write, Daddy is a wonderful artist, Mommy loves music, Daddy is VERY smart and Mommy loves to learn. Mommy did dance and sports growing up, and Daddy is very brave, joining the army and becoming a police officer. Your gifts and talents will go beyond what I can ask or think, but I pray that you allow God to use them for His glory. I pray you love to snuggle and let me read and sing to you. I pray you like vegetables and that you let other people (who Mommy and Daddy approve) hold you and love on you too. I pray that you talk with Jesus every day and walk in the innocence He desires for you. I pray that you don’t get frustrated when things are hard, because God will make you smarter and stronger through the hard stuff. We will definitely make mistakes (Daddy once Febreezed a baby because it had a little gas), but know we do work together with Jesus to be the parents He has called us to be. We pray that you will be brave, knowing that God is with you always in ALL things. 

 

(Now when you’re in Mommy’s womb (and know Mommy is praying for a boring, peaceful pregnancy) you will hear Mommy and Daddy talking to you a lot and you will also see that Mommy loves chocolate and doesn’t like to feel sick- especially not like last time. So let’s make a deal that if you let Mommy keep her food down, she will give in to your cravings- hopefully you’ll love pizza and Mexican food). Another thing, when you hear that big thing snoring in the background, that is not Mommy OR Daddy that is your big sister Molly. She will be a good big sister to you, just get ready for some doggy kisses. You will hear Daddy yelling “Sam! Sam! Get out of there!” a lot, (don’t worry he is not yelling at you), it’s because he is not too fond of your big brother Sam. You’ll understand soon enough. He gets into a LOT of stuff.

We can’t wait to meet you, snuggle with you and kiss you, and I pray that you know what your being here on this earth means to Mommy and Daddy.

I love you and look forward to holding you soon,   

Mommy

Ready to Dance

Anytime, you're waiting for something-no matter how long...it's hard. I know, I know, that is exponentially profound right? Whether it is a financial breakthrough, a healing, a spouse, a child, a new season...it doesn't matter, it's hard. God never said it wouldn't be hard, He just promised that He would be enough.

"Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." - Isaiah 40:31

I recently went to a freedom event at my church. For anyone, not familiar with this- this is not a political rally or protest. This is a time where you bring any and all hurts, and lies that you have believed about God or yourself to Him and you begin/continue in your journey of spiritual freedom. This is something we should be journeying in every day and these church events help us walk through it. It's almost like free counseling! Honestly, it's life changing. No matter what you have done or faced, you are not alone. You will see that what you are walking through, no matter how difficult or unjust, God has a response, a plan, and a  future for you exceedingly and abundantly above anything you could ever ask, think or imagine. (Ref. Eph. 3:20) I find that when we walk through seasons of waiting, it can feel like we're in a holding pattern. The cloud has led us here.....AND...now what? God is preparing the way and nothing is too hard for Him, but what are we supposed to be doing in the mean time? Well the answer is...much. We are to be praying without ceasing, we are to be having faith and doing good, we are to be the light of the world, we are to be fervently praying for others during their difficult seasons...but above all, we're to be seeking and growing. 

Three years ago, my husband took me ball room dancing for anniversary. Since I love to dance and I love to sing and I love music, I thought I would be super awesome and my husband would have a hard time. Ha, ha, ha, HA. I kept getting in trouble for trying to "lead" and getting ahead of the music. Chris did great, she kept telling him what  a great job he was doing. 'See, my husband is very practical and follows instructions very basically. I guess, I was just a little too zealous. But something the Lord showed me, was that I wasn't trusting that Chris would lead me and catch me. And that it's just so much easier and relaxing to dance when I just follow his gentle leading. "I hear You, God. I know where this is going." How often do we just want to skip ahead when God says, there is an important stepping stone right here. But, it's not easy to wait. I mean, it's just not. It's a daily choice. It's a daily faith walk. But...hold on...isn't that how we're supposed to live anyway? I love that God has a lot to say specifically about "waiting":

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."- Psalm 27:14

"Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act..." -Psalm 37:7

 "Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." -Psalm 33:20-22

Our Father is so sweet. There are countless more scriptures about waiting and hoping. He never tells us to wait without also having hope. He reminds us Who are hope is in and that we will be waiting for things. Many we won't see until we meet Him face to face, but He drops answered prayers and fulfills promises today for us as a reminder of what we have waiting for us in Heaven and a reminder of His faithfulness. 

The name of this blog: "Ready to Dance" came from my time at the aforementioned event during a time of prophetic music. The band just played what they felt the Spirit of Lord telling them to play- no words just music. I was in the middle of open heart surgery with the Lord when I got a clear picture. You see, I've been asking the Lord for more faith for things. And during this time, quite interestingly, He's actually been showing me what type of evil we're dealing with. He's been reminding me that Satan's goal is to "kill, steal and destroy" (Ref. John 10:10). I had a dream that our entire military force had been taken over by a world-wide enemy and the worst had happened to our country. It was a very scary time. I actually woke up and had a hard time going back to sleep. But when I did, this next dream showed God intervening and delivering that very powerful enemy into our hands. I immediately thought of the countless times in Scripture, God did this. I think it's easy for us now to read these verses, knowing the outcome, but at the time, they didn't. He is showing me how BIG He is, by reminding me how evil, evil is and that it's NO match. So during this time of prophetic music, I could see the enemy being cast out, not by us, but by an unseen Force. These evil spirits came up from the seats of the church and fled. Then I saw a procession of Angels coming into the sanctuary amid the sound of drums and in came the King of Kings. He was angry with injustice and He was dancing on it. God showed me lies that I had believed and then it was as if I shrunk down to a mini-sized version of myself inside of my body and began taking authority over everything, casting out all lies. 

This week marks 2 years since we lost our one and only baby. And while it is hard, it's becoming easier. I can't help but see all around me, every single thing that God has done through waiting and trials. I can't help but rejoice in His goodness and His faithfulness! I can't tell our story of what we've walked through without also sharing what God has done and is doing. What an opportunity to share how real and loving and faithful our God is. I won't pretend to not be sad about it, but by God's grace, because of hope and the joy of the Lord...because of the Hand I hold, because of the everlasting provision, promises and because my Father is the King of all Kings for Whom nothing and no one is a match, Who makes a way where there is no way, I will dance! 

How about you?

“I Call You 'Mother'”

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Phil. 4:6

 

I don’t know about you, but I believe that there are different levels of want. I recently watched a video compilation of toddlers throwing temper tantrums of varying degrees to varying situations. Most of the time, the child was screaming and sour faced because their parent wouldn’t let them have something that would have been harmful to them. In some cases, the child was crying and devastated because of misunderstandings ie: looking for their rubber ducky that is sitting on top of their head, or not being able to move a chair because their giant dog was obliviously sprawled out sleeping directly in front of it creating a barricade. Regardless, these were teachable moments. Either the child needed to trust that mommy and daddy knew what was best, or they at least needed to stop crying long enough to hear simple instruction. They wanted to get from “A” to “B” without yielding to a process. Whether that be maturing and developing to a place where they would be able to handle/be equipped for something they weren’t previously able to or to simply follow some guidance that would help them.

Fast forward a few decades to being an adult. Over the last couple of years, I have been on a journey of learning how to be “expectant” without being “anxious”.  If you are a human being, you undoubtedly have been tested in the area of patience. You more than likely have had a desire for something for which you couldn’t skip ahead to the front of the line. You most definitely have not always gotten what you wanted (and if you have, I want to talk to you because I need to know how your lifestyle allows this!). But for the sake of the point of today’s entry, you may have had a desire, that you know is God-given, only to wait on a heavenly timing that somehow is not synched up to your earthly one.

“God knows what is best”, “all in His timing”, "if He's called you to it, He will bring you through it", may be familiar encouragements and sentiments to you as well as myself. And while these are completely true, the question remains, “Okay, Lord, how do I wait? How do I continue to believe without submitting my faith to worry and anxiety?” I know the way we wait is just as important, if not MORE important to God, than the thing for which we're actually waiting.We're more interested in "getting there" and "moving forward" while He is much more interested in the refining and the developing. And the While Chris and I have prayed and desired for children for a little over 5 ½ years, this has something the Lord has been faithful to walk me through. While we have never completely lost faith, our faith light has had varying sizes, from a small light that would be enough to guide you step by step, to a passionate blaze that can be seen for miles. I want to be in such a place that my faith remains passionately ablaze no matter what things look like. I not only want to trust the process, but I also want to yield to it and I want to grow through it.

Although, I’ve never met her, Charlotte Gambill (Pastor at Life Church in the UK) has been a wonderful sister to me. It never fails that what I’ve dealt with or will deal with after I’ve heard one of her sermons will come into perspective through the Truths she shares. Recently, I was able to listen to a sermon she preached a few years ago about “your perspective”. She shared her journey of infertility, what God showed her through that time and how she overcame. It was a blessing to me to hear how she, a pastor’s wife and conference speaker who travels the globe inspiring and encouraging women to be all that God has called of them, dealt with some of the same raw emotions as me. She talked about being in a worship service once, with her back to the rest of the congregation, when God spoke to her (who was in the midst of fertility treatments herself) to pray for the couple behind her to have a baby. “Nope! Uh-uh, it’s my time! I’m just going to stand here and praise with my arms in the air” she shared was her reply to God’s direction as she joked about how no one knew, that she was actually being disobedient in that moment. But, God spoke to her and said, “Plant a seed for someone else”. (This couple of course became pregnant!) She talked about how God showed her how to persevere and that He would be faithful. She talked about how if she hadn’t gone “the long way around”, she would not reach every single person that God wanted to bless when she did receive her answered prayer. They knew that no matter what the doctor’s said, it just couldn’t be the “final word”, because that title belonged only to God’s Word. Of course, now they have two beautiful children, and during that journey, God was building, God was equipping, God was molding, God was lining things up to be in their proper place for not only Charlotte and her husband for everyone He brought to their path. How many times have I heard the Lord say to me, “Plant a seed. I know you want this for yourself, but plant a seed for someone else.” ? More than I can count. But, every time I’ve been obedient in this area, I have been blessed and get more excited for the future! His grace and strength has brought me to this point and it has increased my faith, but there was a process. 

At church this weekend, our Pastor spoke about how we often judge God based on disappointments when He’s not even through with us yet. His timing, His way…is perfect. We can’t pretend we know what’s best, when we’re the creatED, not the CreatOR. He sees what we do not and He most certainly will get the glory. With all that God has shown me over the years, what finally brought me freedom, was during a quiet day in my heart where I had told my soul to “be still”, I asked the Lord, “do you think I’ll be a good mother? Am I good enough? Are we just not where we need to be, yet? I know that we're parents to a baby in Heaven, but we're here on Earth." He gave me a vision of the way He sees me and said “I call you ‘mother’. You already are a great mother, because I’ve called you to it.” This allows me to finish my journey strong. This allows me to wait on His timing, while preparing, while getting our “ducks in a row”, being “expectant” in what He will do…but knowing I don’t have to wait to walk in this role I felt He called me to? That has freed me. His grace is sufficient. He is all I need. 

For anyone waiting on a promise, ask Him how He sees you. It will be enough. You may not like where you are, it may not seem fair, you may not understand, but we have such a limited understanding and perspective. So stay close to Him “in Whom are hidden all the wisdom and treasures of knowledge” (Col. 2:3) and who knows you, “You have searched me and known me…you discern my thoughts from afar (Psalm 139:1-2). What is your process? What is this teachable moment for you? Is it the need to plant seeds for others? Is it to create a fire in you? Is it to deepen and strengthen your trust for a bigger picture? Is it simply that He's waiting for you to open your hand and let go? Is it so that you can share your testimony and bring others to Jesus? (yes, by the way). If you’re in the midst of “the long way around” as Charlotte says, it’s for a purpose bigger than you can see. Be expectant, be excited, but let God carry the burden of timing. Be preparing, but let God…  

I referenced Charlotte Gambill. If you do not know who she is. you need to! Here is her website: http://charlottegambill.com/

"And I Can See a Light that is Coming for the Heart that Holds On..."

These lyrics from one of my favorite Matt Redman songs resonate so deeply in my heart. "The heart that holds on..." He is obviously talking about a heart that through physical eyes has seen cause to lose faith, but has kept trusting. A heart that has walked through storms. A heart that has been broken, hurt or overwhelmed, but has leaned into the Light to see what is True.

Getting dumped on.
There's the type of dumping that involves extra work being unloaded on you right when you were about to clock out for the day. There's the type that happens when someone is having a hard day and they relieve all of their emotions on you. Then there's the type where life gives you so many lemons that you smell of citrus for months. You can either let your face sour from the invisible tartness so fragrant in your mouth or you can make endless amounts of lemonade from which you can draw for a lifetime. Whichever imagery seems more enticing to you, you have a choice.

Humanism is an interesting thing. It wants the same results as freely given to us in the Word of God, but it chooses to reconcile situations within human limitations. Many draw upon the human spirit to get them through the "dumpings" of life, and don't get me wrong, we are made in His image and He has made us fearfully and wonderfully, but to limit ourselves to the creat-ed... the well will run dry at some point. I choose to draw upon the Holy Spirit within me that was given to me as a gift, as my Helpmate, as my Guide, as my Strength and Power. A Fountain that will never run dry.

We still have choice. I've had several opportunities over the past couple of years especially, where if I relied only on human reasoning and fickle strength, I would be done. Facing loss in many forms and trials and storms back to back, you find out what you really believe about yourself and God. I found that God knew all along what I was made of (considering He formed me), but more so wanted me to see it. And He wanted me to see that we find more of what we're made of, when we know more of what He's made of. He wanted to bring forth His strength within me. He wanted His power to be made perfect in all of my weakness and to be exercised from a place of audacious determination.

I have a choice. I can choose to seek Him desperately and pour out my heart's perfume at His feet. I can choose to believe and agree with His Word that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I can choose to stand on His promises for me. Most importantly I can decide today, that I will receive His Words for me and will exhibit His love to EVERYONE because they need it. I can allow His joy to overtake me and spill over onto others. I could choose to be alert and awake  and spy with my little eye miracles and provision, hearts being changed, a world being changed, freedom from bondage and prayers being answered. I can purpose to walk in the piece of the destiny He has for me today, knowing it all fits into His design for me and the world, and to not be anxious about it.

Had I chosen to lie on the floor of the boxing ring and allow the floating pieces of my broken heart and broken spirit to be absorbed within my human spirit and left them there, I would be on a mission to prove myself to everyone. I would be operating out of bitterness and lack of understanding. Had I chosen to say "Well, I guess I'm the only one I can trust."  How limited would the possibilities have been. But, there is something to say about the human spirit that God did give us. It has the freedom of choice. We choose to give up and give in. Or we choose to say "I will persevere, develop character and claim my hope in this. I will get my fruit. I will allow God to teach me, train me and refine me for the greater purpose in all of this and I will make room for miracles. I will choose to see everything and everyone from His perspective knowing that the wisdom of God is "first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle, obedient, filled with mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (James 3:17) When my human spirit submits to the Holy Spirit, the possibilities are endless.

As I look at my digital calendar, my husband and I have a lot of upcoming things. You know how when you look at the calendar on your phone, you can look at a day and each event is represented by a dot? Well, that's how it looks on my phone anyway! I have days that just have one "dot" and I have days that have dot, dot, dot, ... In essence a lot sort of  "dumped" on me all at once! But my heart smiles, knowing His purpose in each season I've walked. I'm so happy to be here, I'm so blessed by what God has done, continues to do and will do.
Each dot, when thinking about God's provision and blessing that has brought us through so much, to me, represents pitchers and pitchers of lemonade.

Romans 3:3-5

"Invisible Assistants": Being Busy for God, Shouldn't Make Us Too Busy for God

It's incredible how many thoughts, ideas and "to do's" are competing for my attention the moment my body awakes in the morning. I don't even have to open my eyes. It's as if my invisible "assistants" are standing next to my bed watching me sleep, pens and notepads in hand, just holding their breath until I make that first "awakening" stir. "Okay, she's up! Now Mrs. Bickers, remember you have this, this and this to prepare next week and for tomorrow, remember tomorrow's meeting (you're running that remember?) you need to mention this, this and this. OH and don't forget this." " Mrs. Bickers, don't forget all that you need to take care of at home today. You need to set this out, and tomorrow you're taking this meal here and next week, you're taking that meal there. And don't forget all of these errands that need to get taken care of." "Mrs. Bickers (interrupts the other "assistants mid sentence") , I know all of that is important, but we need to work on our blogs and other ideas we had talked about. Remember that? And this? Oh and I had this wonderful NEW idea!"In the midst of it all, I see My Father standing there, " oh Hi!!" I say. It's as if I'm welcoming Him into a busy office or bustling home where my invisible kids are running around playing and I have several projects going. "Please, come in, Father, excuse this mess. Do you have kids? Oh, what am I saying, of course You do! Please have a seat, I want to hear all about what You have to say!"

I'm so grateful for grace.

As life picks up and things are in motion, this is the type of scene that plays over and over in my mind. Lately the Lord has been challenging me with giving me more opportunities and responsibilities and STILL not making them idols before Him. I have had to tell, no COMMAND my soul to be still and my mind to rest because NO other thing comes before my time with My Jesus. Just as my responsibilities call my name first thing in the morning and seemingly stare at me until I awake, My Father sings over me while I sleep and looks over me lovingly and adoringly saying "I am taking care of every detail. You don't need to worry. You do however NEED Me first thing." We, as women are pulled in many directions- I mean if you look at the woman described in Proverbs 31, she has many responsibilities: a mother and wife who is tending to her household, the poor and the city. She is stewarding money and property as well as providing meals and sowing seeds galore...just to name a few. But, what does Solomon end this chapter by saying? "A woman who FEARS the Lord is to be praised".
As women who fear the Lord, our responsibilities are great, but our strength comes from Him. We were NOT meant to carry the burdens, just His truth and love. He is challenging me to lay those pressing things down every morning and to refuse to let them weasel their way to first place. This may be a constant laying down throughout the day as well, but He knows what needs to be done and He will make sure it gets done. But we don't want to miss that neighbor that God may want us to speak to. We don't want to miss that prompting from the Holy Spirit to walk through our home and into our kid's rooms and speak the Word of God over them. We don't want to miss Him whisper to us a Word of hope for someone or a song of encouragement to our hearts. The enemy will always try to keep us too busy for God when He can't get us to stop doing things for God. But when we say, "This morning, I lay it all down. I know my husband/child/family member is sick or in the hospital. I know I have lots of deadlines staring at me. I know I have a trip planned or some events to prepare for. And I know YOU know all of this and are bigger than all of it. So I love You, Father. I want YOU above all of it. What is on Your heart today?" You will feel all of those things filter off of your being. He will wipe away things that are
not important and place those things that are in a Heavenly order giving you the rest and endurance to accomplish them with excellence, not weariness. " Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet...'Martha, Martha'", the Lord answered, " you are worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.'" Luke 10:39&41

Father, I welcome You into my mess,projects and crazy schedule and greet you just as I am. You have gifted this day to me and I do not take it for granted. This is the day that You have made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. And I will seek Your kingdom first. None of these other things matter without You anyway, so they can always wait. I don't just want to welcome You, but want to welcome You with my red carpet of praise every morning. I never want time with You to be an after thought, but the first thought that I have every morning. I want to be a woman after Your own heart. Then send me into the world to love it and shake it up or You.

Look Up

This literally happened this weekend. I don't typically share dreams or other spiritual visions unless I feel like Jesus wants me to and if so, I know it is for a purpose. I feel that there is someone that must need this encouragement today too. <3

I had a dream. Chris and I were on a trip and we were on a long stretch of highway when we saw dark, ominous clouds that looked to be one of the largest tornadoes ever seen. And inside it looked to be several small twisters wrapped inside. I remember in my dream I said there were “eight” twisters inside. The sunlight turned to rain and we took a detour into some woods where we found a house that others were hiding out in. We grabbed our pets and went in to find shelter, all the while praying. The next part is blurry, but it seems as though, we had just gathered our things and gone inside the old, wooden log cabinesque home, when before we had time to look for somewhere to take cover, we noticed the sounds of the storm had stopped. I noticed people standing on the balcony, so I joined them. As I made my way toward to open French doors, sunlight met me and there was not a storm cloud to be found. In fact it was silent and beautiful. While everyone was looking around, taking it in. I looked up. I saw what used to be funnel clouds reformed and shaped to be a part of some sort of picture. My eyes widened and my head tilted further back to take in the entirety of the picture. There were even new colors I noticed. My whole being jolted and my heart beat rapidly, overwhelmed. Without removing my focus, I said to the others “do you see what I see?” Conversations interrupted, they each looked up as well and echoes of awe and wonder could be heard. The storm clouds were reshaped to take on the form of Jesus. The twister clouds took shape into a strong and mighty torso and the other clouds chiseled his face and hair. This picture took up the entire sky. His eyes were piercing and His being was beaming peace and joy down on us. I remember His smile and His eyes very clearly. It was an expression of “peace” but also power and authority somehow wrapped into Fatherly love as if to say “I’m proud of you”. The next day, I hadn’t really thought much about this dream, there was a lot going on and it wasn’t until I saw some rain clouds outside that I was reminded of it. I began to tell Chris “I had this crazy dream last night…” and it wasn't until the moment I said “ and the storm stopped and was replaced with Jesus’s figure” that I realized this was a dream given to me by My Jesus. I immediately knew in my heart that this was His reminder that this storm is will pass. But I continued praying to seek what other things the Lord might be saying...Jesus calmed the storm in my dream as we took shelter. But, maybe the storm was still going on…and we just didn’t notice because we were looking up. The storm took on a new shape and formed into our Protector and our Defender. He took up our entire sky and gave us peace and joy. For Chris and me the Lord has been giving us words and starting to reveal open doors. And even though He does not even have to, is showing us why some doors have been shut, thus revealing His protection. He is reassuring us that our promised land is near. But even more importantly than that, this

dream is a picture of our journey through the storm. We were on our way to a destination, but heavy storms came and Jesus rerouted us. We were scared at first, but before we had time to try to hide, He encouraged us to come out and play in His peace and His joy. We quickly saw that if we keep our eyes up, He is bigger and greater and in control of this storm. We might not have known how long this particular storm would be, but He wanted us right here, under His rays of sunshine while we walked through it. This is a picture of all us. The testimony is the sustaining us, the building us, the deep wells of character and truth, the deliverance and the protection through the storms of life. Knowing that He’s for you no matter what. The testimony is what happens from the time the storm comes to the time it passes…not just

that it passes. This is what encourages, inspires and takes authority over the powers of darkness. In this world filled with hopelessness and despair where people are turning to pills, alcohol, their own fleshly desires to make them happy and whole; In a place where bad things happen and evil “seems” to be winning….this world needs to know how powerful their Creator is. They need to look up and see. They need to taste and see. They need a testimony of someone that has walked through it, felt all of the same things, thought all of the same things, but has a Savior that replaces lies with truth and demonstrated His provision and love time and time again. They need the unedited testimony and that every step of it, He was faithful and just to do what He promised. And always will.

Being in the "No"

When things don't make sense on paper. When 2 +2 doesn't seem to equal 4. When things that have worked in the past don't seem to be working this time and friends' advice has been exhausted. Yeah, that.

Yet, I have this abiding faith within me, this glorious hope that gives me joy that I have no right to have. When things in our life have seemed crazier and crazier and just don't seem to let up... this means my faith has to be even crazier than that. I've set my sights on My Way-maker and My "Puzzle-put-togetherer". I've been doing this for so long now that when I look only at my circumstances, I get lost. I don't even know where I am, because it only makes sense from His perspective.

I've been running this particular stretch for so long, that I've become used to it. Used to it's sights and smells. I know when I need water now, so I have the right amount by my side. I know when it's time to walk it off, take a breather, stretch. But not for too long, because I'm going somewhere. When you begin a rigorous workout routine... whether it's running, weights, yoga, squats...it's so hard at first you want to throw up. But when you keep at it, your legs can bare more weight, your arms take definition, your core is strengthened...you can see the progress and it encourages you not to quit. Your body begins to respond to the level of health it was always designed to have and we become the healthier selves, we were always created to be. Particularly when I'm running, I like to know how many miles I've run. (Wait. MileS... plural? Who am I kidding?) I like to know how far I've gone, the progress and how much further I have to go so I can give myself a mental pep talk. I can see an end and I can encourage myself all the way to the finish. But in this spiritual race, that's been part of the challenge. I can see how far I've come. I can see the progress, but I

have no idea where the end is. I'm not one of these runners that just "loves a good jaunt" and doesn't even keep track of distance. " I don't know, I think I ran like 14 miles. It just felt so good, I didn't even notice." Nope. Uh-uh. I need to know the end and encourage myself every step of the way. I don't see an end in sight, yet I can hear the crowd cheering. I don't know where this path is taking me, but I know the promises that are waiting for me on the other side. I hear my Jesus. He is right beside me on this path of disappointment. On this path filled with adversity and He is encouraging me to keep going. "But, I don't know where I'm going!" I'll say. "I do...and trust Me, you want to get there."

Chris and I have had about 20 months now of more "no's" than I thought we could ever handle. More disappointments than I ever thought I would endure. It's been so long since we have heard a "yes" that we see how precious open doors are and how very valuable they truly are. When I worked in sales, we always talked about the law of averages. "For every 10 'no's', you'll get a 'yes'." Well in this real life stuff, that ratio doesn't quite carry over. But in the midst of the "no's", in the midst of adversity, we keep our eyes set on the One Who never disappoints. Although events in our life have questioned that, He's come closer to us than He ever has. He has lifted us up and with His purposeful and gentle care has put broken pieces back together. He's apart of this journey. He's the reason for it. We are a cord of three that cannot easily be broken. We don't know where we're going. We don't have ANY answers, but we know that He has asked us to journey into the promised land. We know, that just like Joshua and the Israelites, we have to put one foot in front of the other and trust that He will open up the way before us. Just like the bleeding woman, we have to be filled with determination to carry ourselves to Him, knowing His presence is all we need. We need to be like Mary Magdalene, who filled with despair and confusion after Jesus' crucifixion, knew only one thing...she needed to be beside Him.

When things don't make sense on paper. When 2 +2 doesn't seem to equal 4. When things that have worked in the past don't seem to be working this time and friends' advice has been exhausted. Yeah, that. It can only mean one thing. "This day I will magnify thee in the sight of Israel , that they may know that , as I was with Moses, so I will be with Thee. " (Josh. 3:6) We need to make our preparations, we need to get ready, purge things we don't want to take with us and polish things we are taking with us. We need to hear, believe and obey. I've learned in these trials that if there is a door that God doesn't want opened, no man will be able to pry it open. And honestly, it has only given me the assurance that with every door He DOES open, no man or enemy in Hell will be able to stop it.

This is what I know when in the midst of "no" land: more commonly referred to as "the wilderness". I can see how far we've come. He took my wobbly legs that stood with tenacity after crushing disappointment and made them enduring legs. I can see the form, shape and definition of my spiritual self which I hope comes out to others. I can look back and see this faith filled journey and all of the fruit that has sprung while in the valley as I become the healthier, stronger me, He created me to be. 'One that will not shut up about His goodness. No matter what.

"I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim" - Francesca Battistelli